Frequently Asked Questions
Is asexuality a choice?
No. Asexuality is sometimes confused with celibacy, but whereas celibacy is a chosen behavior, asexuality is an orientation. And as with other orientations, while a variety of factors impact sexuality, it is not considered a choice. Asexuals may be celibate and celibates may be asexual, but they are not the same.
Wait, whoa, are you saying asexuals have sex?
Sometimes. "Asexuality" refers strictly to the lack of sexual attraction. This leaves open a wide variety of behaviors, identities and overlap with other orientations.
So, aces date?
Some do. Sometimes they date other asexuals, form queer platonic relationships, or date allosexuals (people who experience sexual attraction). Some never date.
Do Aces masturbate/have sexual fantasies?*
Again, some do. A sex drive is separate from sexual attraction, so there are aces who will masturbate and those who won't.
* This question comes up all the time, and as annoying and invasive as we find it, hopefully we can stem the tide by answering it once and for all.
Do Aces face discrimination the way other minority sexual orientations do?
Yes, the most prevalent of which is the "invisibility" of the orientation. So few people know exactly what being asexual means (but we're glad to see you here, educating yourself) that aces can frequently be assumed to be allosexual, which can be frustrating and disheartening. As for other forms of discrimination, aces face those just as other members of the LGBTQIA+ community do. Like other minority orientations, aces are often left with the choice to come out or not to come out and often find coming out to be a lifelong process (see below).
Are there physical/mental health issues that come with being ace?
While asexuality itself is NOT a mental illness or pathology, few doctors are well-versed in the specific needs of their ace patients and this can be at best, frustrating and at worse, damaging. We hope to soon create a database of ace-friendly doctors so you can make the best choice for your health.
How did your family/friends react when you told them you were ace?
While this is an individual thing (as all coming out stories are), most aces are at first met with confusion about the orientation. Some are fully accepted by those in their lives and some face ostracizing with plenty somewhere in the middle. Likewise, there are those aces who never come out or who only do so on the relatively anonymous safety of social media.
Where else can I find your group online?
We have a presence across various social media platforms. We are at Facebook, Meetup, Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr.
Where can I find you in the real world?
We currently meet once a month, on the second Sunday of each month. Due to COVID-19, we had switched to virtual meetups. But as of June 2023, we will alternate between outdoor in-person (weather permitting) and virtual meetups. In 2024, for instance, we plan to meet in person in May, July, September and November. Other meetups will be virtual. For in-person meetups and volunteering, you will be asked to mask unless eating or drinking and will be required to sign a waiver stating you understand the risk of exposure, and that you absolve Ace Los Angeles of any liability.
The best way to keep track of our meetings is through our meetup group or Facebook group. Please RSVP at either site so we know how many people will be attending in-person, or so we can message you the link to the Zoom once we have it. By RSVPing, we’ll also be able to keep you up to date if the weather forces us to switch from in-person to virtual. Thanks and stay safe!
Where Can I donate to Ace Los angeles?
Glad you asked! We are a 501(c)(3) organization, and donations are tax-deductible. You can donate through Paypal or Venmo. Please include your email address in the memo so we can send you a receipt.